her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize