Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
