$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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