i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
