I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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