Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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