If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
