It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
