Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
