Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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