just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
