HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
