just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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