I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
