Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
