When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
