i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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