i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
