Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
