He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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