Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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