hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
