The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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