I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
