Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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