careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize