So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
