Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
