He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
