I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
