I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
