You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
