I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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