So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
