I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You ruined the universe
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
