Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
