apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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