Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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