Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
