I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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