Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
