Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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