I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
