Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
