she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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