Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
