I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
