yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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