I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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