I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
