I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
