you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
