I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
