the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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