We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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