just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
