Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my liver is dry heaving
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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