weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
