Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
