census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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