you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
