You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
