the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
