i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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