Ambien. No doubt about it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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