Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
