Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
