i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
