the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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