3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
