Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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