worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
